Runaway Train, Dir: Andrey Konchalovskiy, 1985

Manny unprepared for the out of control cost of freedom.

Violence delicately represented.

Over the past several months my life has taken more dramatic turns. Perhaps only mature, adult things-finishing school, getting a job. (Although, I will admit that finishing graduate school and landing a faculty position at McMaster University is not 'just a thing I did'. I have been moving towards this excellent opportunity to teach for a long time). To get here,  I have been constantly on the move-and find myself resisting but going relentlessly forward, like Konchalovskiy's Runaway Train, its a machine in serious motion, the concluding tragectory seems to be implied but (in my case) unknown.

Both of these images above are of spectacular and delicate violence, taken from the powerful ending to Runaway Train which has forever burned into my memory. When I started this blog entry three months ago, it seemed a highly inappropriate image for the hot shiny simmering summer days spent in lush Victoria, BC, but a good fit to my feelings and emotional chafing against my (then) current situation.

In late May of this year I completed my Master's degree in Film Production from York University. It does look good and adds some tidy formality next to my name, and the three letters sound off nicely when spoken, 'Kyath Battie, MFA'.  I had a proper committee sign off on paper work saying so and my weird and literally dark film and thesis paper bound in red hard cover with gold lettering proving it.  To be sentimental I would say it was the best two years of my life, and to be cynical I would say that it was the best two years of my life. So it was 'best' but in certain and contrasting contexts-is that so unusual? Somehow I've collided these feelings together in my unexpected post-grad reality.  The image of Jon Voight (Manny Manheim) persistently emerged - standing defiantly on the icy locomotive, barely able to hold himself against the fierce wind, his body in a slight arc embracing the invetiable violent crash that in mere seconds will end his life, end it all.

In 1985 I was 14 years old. I know I saw this film in the theatre, and since then this final image has lasted, quietly sitting in brain cells waiting all these years to expose itself and be finally explained. I took the opportunity to watch this film again and must confess that I actually do not remember hardly anything at all except this ending. And it is a very 'serious' drama-which is what I generally deeply responded to when I was a teenager.  I had vague impressions of Jon Voight being quite good but his fiery boy-pal-fellow escapee (Eric Roberts) proved to be highly annoying. (And he is). Anyways, I will dispose of full exposition here, and mono-focus on the ending when Manny unlinks the connecting cars so boy pal, and girl hostage (Rebecca De Mornay) wont die with him - giving Manny anti-hero status. (The addition of the girl railway worker always annoyed me, but I am sure she was added for extra dramatic effect because, really, who would care about annoying boy-pal convict dying, but add a blue eyed vulnerable waif and well...)

However, Manny has special cargo stashed inside - the vindictive jail warden Ranken (John P. Ryan)  is trapped inside also awaiting to be impaled to bloody bits. Its good drama. I had no sympathy for the warden, and actually none for Manny, it just seemed like the right thing for Manny to do - he was not going back to prison.  The final scene filmed in extreme long shot, in steely monotones with Manny's figure sketched into the grey skyline, standing upon that evil engine slowly fading to black, was an excellent choice. I was struck by the symbolism: creative energy worn thin, illness fading you out, political outrage overrun by out of control right wing engine, (it was 1985 after all - the height of the Regan/Bush dynasty) or just defiant personal autonomy-a final fuck you to oppressive authority.

Manny's doomed trajectory is like all best intentions, its conceived with hope, desire, and unwavering belief that things are going to end well. And if they don't - then damn it all. The final climatic sequence could be the filmmakers cinematic through-line, and the final image could have been Atget impression.

Fast forward to the present. Within a few weeks of applying for a faculty position, I was formally awarded the job. I was thrilled. However, this new opportunity left me with under two weeks to compose an entire course syllabus from scratch, move to an unknown city, into an apartment I had never seen, and locate myself all within the motion and disorientation to perform as a confident citizen and teacher. Suddenly, I was Manny again, gripping the slippery front rails, speeding forward on that frozen solitary out-of-control train. Konchalovskiy's aesthetic choice to costume Voight in an  "incarceration orange" jumper worked.  The bright colour set against the pure yet visceral winter snow works as intended to create a strong emotional response from viewers, like a wound or gash slashed across the open screen.

When I landed in Hamilton and was helped into my new apartment though the kitchen window I was definitely holding onto that train in all its contrasting colours. (I have since taken another apartment that required no window entry or skanky Hess Village brawls to listen to on Saturday nights). And when I entered my classroom and met my students for the first time I was seriously gripping those icy bars. Driving a cargo van to get my 'stuff' from Toronto, North York, downtown and back to Hamilton on the insane 401/403 highway I was absolutely strangling that fucking train in an iron grip.

It's been a month since landing in Hamilton, being a professor at McMaster. I have met some wonderful people, faculty and students. I have entered my classroom several times with less visceral impact, my grip loosened. I no longer sleep on an air mattress and have a desk to sit at in my nice spacious apartment. I hope I do not see Manny again for a long time. I am fairly content now, quietly atop the fading icy train, but I don't plan to crash, just keep going.